🍷 Wine Snob Generator

What is the Wine Snob Generator?

Real wine tasting notes already sound like a dare: pencil shavings, wet stones, forest floor. The wine snob generator takes it one sip further, blending authentic sommelier vocabulary with the honest truth about what you actually taste.

Read one aloud at your next dinner party, write it on the label of a $9 bottle you're bringing as a gift, or use it to describe any beverage, including gas station coffee. Swirl first. Swirling is 80% of wine knowledge.

How to use it

1. Pour a glass. Click Swirl & Sniff.
2. Read the note slowly while staring into the middle distance.
3. Say "it's very honest" and set the glass down.

10 examples from the Wine Snob Generator

• On the nose: toasted oak and a rained-on golden retriever. On the palate: brioche, graphite, and unpaid invoices. Bright acidity that reminds you of your mistakes. 93 points.
• Tasting note: A hotel lobby in 1994. Also toasted oak. Mostly a Tuesday afternoon. Medium-bodied, with a finish that lingers like an awkward goodbye. 93 points.
• Bright bramble leads into unresolved tension, with a finish of existential dread. Best enjoyed on a Wednesday for no reason. Critic's choice. The critic was my uncle.
• Opulent white pepper leads into a burnt CD, with a finish of unpaid invoices. Best enjoyed alone in the bath. 93 points.
• Shy wet slate leads into a hotel lobby in 1994, with a finish of a Bluetooth speaker. Best enjoyed on a Wednesday for no reason. Best served at room temperature, emotionally.
• Jammy notes of leather, white pepper, and your grandmother's purse. Tannins are firm, like a handshake from a man named Doug. Pairs well with gas station sushi. 88 points (91 after the second glass).
• On the nose: blackcurrant and a damp tent. On the palate: vanilla bean, leather, and a phone call that could have been a text. Velvety, then aggressive, like a Thanksgiving argument. Drink now through whenever.
• Flirtatious notes of cassis, wet slate, and unresolved tension. Tannins are firm, like a handshake from a man named Doug. Pairs well with your ex's wedding. 93 points.
• Shy pencil shavings leads into a burnt CD, with a finish of a parking ticket. Best enjoyed during a thunderstorm. Value pick: $8.99.
• This 2016 Merlot is a quiet achiever. Hints of wet stone give way to the inside of a new Lego set. Serve with Hot Pockets. Gold medal, Ohio State Fair.