BS MakeBullshit

Corporate Apology Generator

We're sorry if anyone felt feelings. Mistakes were made (not by us).

We apologize for any inconvenience the ad campaign may have caused. Out of respect for everyone involved, we will now be raising prices.

Tip: press the space bar for a fresh one. Every phrase gets its own shareable link.

What is the Corporate Apology Generator?

When a company really messes up, there's a time-honored ritual: the non-apology. It's sorry if you were upset. It's "mistakes were made" with no subject. It ends with a reminder that the company's values are "in our DNA." The corporate apology generator writes one for you in a single click.

Perfect for parody, for satire about the latest PR disaster, or for apologizing to your roommate for eating their leftovers without technically admitting anything.

How to use it

  1. Click Issue a Statement.
  2. Post it on a plain white background as a screenshot from the Notes app.
  3. Disable comments. Wait for the news cycle to move on.

10 examples from the Corporate Apology Generator

  • We hear you. We see you. We are hiring a Chief Apology Officer. We will not be taking questions.
  • In hindsight, the 4-hour outage was not our finest moment. We have learned so much, mostly about the Streisand effect.
  • We recognize that the thing with the data was noticed. Our thoughts and prayers are with our share price.
  • Our CEO would like to personally apologize for the incident we will not be naming, but is currently recording a podcast about resilience.
  • Upon reflection, we've decided our new terms of service (which you agreed to) was a bold experiment. We thank you for your feedback and have forwarded it to the shredder.
  • Mistakes were made. Not by us, specifically, but they were made. We are rebranding to ensure this never happens again until next quarter.
  • We hear you. We see you. We are launching an internal review of ourselves, by ourselves. We will not be taking questions.
  • Mistakes were made. Not by us, specifically, but they were made. We are committing to do better, as defined by us to ensure this never happens again until next quarter.
  • Our CEO would like to personally apologize for our new terms of service (which you agreed to), but is currently unavailable for comment.
  • Global Dynamics takes the surprise layoffs announced via Zoom very seriously, as you can tell by this stock photo of a sunset.

Frequently asked questions

What is a non-apology?

A non-apology is a statement that sounds like an apology but avoids accepting responsibility. Classic signs: "we're sorry if," "mistakes were made," and "we take this very seriously."

Why do companies apologize like this?

Mostly lawyers. Admitting fault can create legal liability, so statements are written to express regret without saying anyone did anything specific.

Can I use this to apologize to my partner?

We strongly advise against it. Non-apologies work poorly in relationships, but they make excellent jokes.

More bullshit generators

Tech Bullshit Generator Buzzword-packed tech jargon for meetings, emails and pretending you read the deck. Financial Bullshit Generator Wall Street jargon, market outlooks and resume bullets that sound expensive. Job Title Generator Inflated corporate titles for your LinkedIn headline and email signature. LinkedIn Post Generator Cringe thought-leader posts: humblebrags, toddler wisdom and #Grateful hashtags. AI Bullshit Generator Agentic hype, chatbot disclaimers and AI startup pitches that confidently hallucinate. Trump Speech Generator (Parody) Rally-style parody speeches about pickleball, Wi-Fi and Costco hot dogs. Excuse Generator Oddly specific excuses for being late, missing work or skipping the meeting. Startup Idea Generator "It's Uber for haunted houses." Billion-dollar pitches, zero business model. Holistic Bullshit Generator Moon-charged, gluten-free wellness wisdom for the juice bar and yoga class. Mission Statement Generator Inspiring, vague mission statements for any bank, kombucha brand or cult. Performance Review Generator Brutally polite review comments and self-evaluations for review season. Wine Snob Generator Pretentious tasting notes. Hints of cedar, regret and a rained-on golden retriever. Brutally Honest Horoscope Generator The stars predict mild inconvenience, a suspicious email and leftovers. Crypto Whitepaper Generator Meme coins, Web3 whitepapers and roadmaps to the moon. Not a rug pull. Real Estate Listing Generator Honest listings with translations. "Cozy" means it's a closet. Buzzword Bingo Printable meeting bingo cards. First to five synergies wins. Jargon Dictionary What corporate buzzwords actually mean, A to Z.