BS MakeBullshit

Real Estate Listing Generator

"Cozy" (it's a closet). "Lots of character" (the doors don't close). Won't last!

Lovingly lived-in (the carpet has stories) 3BR split-level with an open floor plan (a wall fell down) and lots of natural light (a tree fell through the roof). Must see to believe (photos do not help). $575,000 or a reasonable crypto offer.

Tip: press the space bar for a fresh one. Every phrase gets its own shareable link.

What is the Real Estate Listing Generator?

Real estate listings are written in a secret language. "Cozy" means small. "Charming" means old. "Needs TLC" means the raccoons have a lease. The real estate listing generator writes a listing in agent-speak, then translates every phrase into what it actually means.

Great for house hunters who need a laugh, agents with a sense of humor, and anyone who has ever toured a "spacious" one-bedroom. Prices are randomly generated and, sadly, still realistic.

How to use it

  1. Click List It.
  2. Read the translations in parentheses. They're the important part.
  3. Send it to a friend who is house hunting. They need this.

10 examples from the Real Estate Listing Generator

  • JUST LISTED! Rustic (no heat) condo featuring a wet bar (the basement floods), a chef's kitchen (two burners work) and original hardwood (and original asbestos). Won't last!
  • Quaint (tiny and old) townhome. Location: an up-and-coming neighborhood (the Starbucks is a rumor). Boasts tons of character (the doors don't close) and an open floor plan (a wall fell down). Great bones (the rest is a problem). $1.2 million, or best offer from anyone, please.
  • Charming (built before electricity was popular) colonial. Location: a highly desirable school district (four miles away). Boasts a low-maintenance yard (gravel and one confused cactus) and a chef's kitchen (two burners work). Some cosmetic updates needed (all of the updates). $899,900, or best offer from anyone, please.
  • Priced to sell: a turn-key (the key turns, that's about it) fixer-upper with a spa-like bathroom (it's damp). Investor special (nobody should live here). Won't last!
  • Priced to sell: a sun-drenched (there's no roof in the den) bungalow with a spa-like bathroom (it's damp). Bring your imagination (and a contractor). Showings by appointment, or by courage.
  • Modern farmhouse (gray paint and a sign that says GATHER) 1BR fixer-upper with tons of character (the doors don't close) and a bonus room (no one knows how to get in). Priced to move (out of the seller's life). $2.4 million.
  • JUST LISTED! Cozy (it's a closet with a window) loft featuring space for entertaining (the raccoons throw parties), lots of natural light (a tree fell through the roof) and smart home features (one Alexa that only plays polka). Open house Sunday! Snacks provided, ghosts included.
  • Efficient (you can cook from the bed) 4BR bungalow with a bonus room (no one knows how to get in) and a chef's kitchen (two burners work). Won't last! $1.7 million (land not included).
  • Priced to sell: a sun-drenched (there's no roof in the den) split-level with a walk-in closet (it's the hallway). Needs a little TLC (and a structural engineer). Open house Sunday! Snacks provided, ghosts included.
  • Welcome home to this modern farmhouse (gray paint and a sign that says GATHER) ranch! Enjoy vintage fixtures (from a crime scene). A vibrant area (sirens, mostly). Must see to believe (photos do not help). $575,000 or a reasonable crypto offer.

Frequently asked questions

What does "cozy" mean in a real estate listing?

Usually small. Sometimes very small. In our generator, it means the breakfast nook is a chair.

What are common real estate listing euphemisms?

Classics include "cozy" (small), "charming" (old), "up-and-coming" (not there yet), "needs TLC" (needs everything), "motivated seller" (something is wrong), and "great bones" (the rest is bad).

Can real estate agents use this?

As a joke post, absolutely. Agents who share honest-listing parodies on social media tend to get great engagement. Just don't use it on the MLS.

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